Welcome to Week 23 of “What Fresh Tyranny is This?”
Trump and his litter of bootlickers coughed up a furball of fascism so big, I almost mistook it for a swamp monster in camo. Let’s unpack the stink
1. Border Cops & Cosplay Commandos
EO #107-P lets DHS “deputize” private contractors and volunteer patriots to patrol a 100-mile zone from any border. That’s not just Texas — that’s two-thirds of America. Get ready for ICE cosplay and mall ninjas playing army near your grandma’s backyard. Spoiler: Not legal. Not safe. Definitely fascist.
2. Bible Bigotry on Federal Time
EO #108-P says if you work for the feds, you can refuse to do your job if Jesus tells you not to. Don’t wanna approve a gay marriage license? Just say “religious liberty.” This EO is like Hobby Lobby got drunk and rewrote civil rights law. Theocracy much?
3. Loyalty Tests, Now with Fingerprints
EO #109-P demands “patriotism audits” for every federal employee. Background checks, political posts, protest attendance — all fair game. If you once retweeted AOC or wore a pink hat, kiss your pension goodbye. The Red Scare just got Wi-Fi.
4. RIP Emergency Healthcare
EO #110-P ends Medicaid protections from the pandemic era. States can now opt out of coverage for disabled folks, trans care, and more. Basically: “If you’re sick, poor, or inconvenient to our budget — good luck and die quietly.”
5. The Internet Kill Switch
EO #111-P hands Trump override powers for social media, text messages, and search engines during “national emergencies.” Say the wrong thing during a war and your tweet might vanish faster than his tax returns. Welcome to Algorithm Autocracy.
6. Urban Equity? Never Heard of Her
EO #112-P wipes out clean energy tax credits, housing equity incentives, and urban job training. Cities with “bad mayors” (read: Democrats and melanin) get nothing. This is gerrymandering with bulldozers.
7. Censorship in Civics Class
EO #113-P freezes funding for schools teaching actual history. If your lesson plan mentions racism, protest movements, or anything that made America better? You’re out. This is how fascists rewrite textbooks — and futures.
That’s seven new claws in the Constitution this week. If you feel like you’re drowning in executive ink, that’s because you are — it’s not a pen, it’s a sword.
This week’s survival strategy? Sharpen your claws, print your rights, and maybe teach civics in a bunker.
