💣 FEDERAL ORDERS FROM THE KING OF KARMALESS
1. Project Homecoming™ – Deport Yourself for a Prize!
Trump’s newest low? A “self-deportation bonus.” Undocumented folks get $1,000 and a free flight out if they agree to vanish quietly. “Just leave” now comes with airline miles and a surveillance app. Cute.
2. Decriminalizing Corruption (But Only If You’re White & Rich)
This EO says you can’t be prosecuted for violating federal rules unless you meant to. So if you commit corporate crime by accident? No problem. Unless you’re brown. Or poor. Or protesting.
3. Big Pharma’s Wet Dream
He’s deregulating domestic drug manufacturing. Get ready for faster pills, looser inspections, and pharmaceutical execs swimming in bonuses like it’s Scrooge McDuck’s vault.
4. Frankenstein Ban: No More Science for You!
Trump bans federal funding for gain-of-function research (the scary kind that makes viruses worse). Scientists scream. MAGA cheers. Fox News declares victory over “bio-wokeism.”
5. National Warrior Center (sponsored by Raytheon?)
He’s setting up a vet support center. Sounds good—until you see who’s running it. Spoiler: it’s not your local VA doc. It’s private contractors and political loyalists with “Christian masculinity” vibes.
6. Streamlining the Federal Register (aka Hiding the Receipts)
Making it easier to publish federal policy sounds harmless—until it’s used to fast-track shady laws while the public’s distracted by the next staged meltdown.
🐊 FLORIDA MAN STRIKES AGAIN: RON DESANTIS, EXECUTIVE ORDER MACHINE
EO 2025-100
Extends EO 24-88 on Michael Mader, who’s facing fraud charges. Because in Florida, we love a good cover-up as long as you’re politically connected.
EO 2025-99
Glenn Straub’s legal telenovela continues. This EO keeps his case out of the wrong courtroom. Or, more accurately, keeps it far from any real accountability.
EO 2025-98
Carlos Dueffer gets an extension on EO 24-98. Why? TBD. But if DeSantis is keeping it alive, assume it’s anti-worker, anti-justice, or just plain sketchy.
EO 2025-97
A reroute in the Rejean Louis case. Not about justice—just another legal shell game so corrupt circuits can hand out the right (wrong) decisions.
EO 2025-96 & 95
Two orders that play legal hopscotch with Florida’s court system. Judges reassigned, cases shuffled, truth obscured. Just another day in DeSantisland where the only law is “protect the powerful.”
🌈 ILLINOIS GETS IT RIGHT (FOR ONCE)
EO 2025-02: Protecting Autistic Residents from MAGA Surveillance
Governor Pritzker just became the unlikely hero of neurodivergent privacy. This EO bans state agencies from collecting or disclosing personal autism data unless absolutely necessary. Why? Because the Trump regime is cooking up a federal autism registry (yes, really), and Illinois said HELL NO. Informed consent, strict privacy rules, and zero tolerance for medical profiling. Now that’s how you executive order without stomping on civil rights.
🐱 Resistance Kitty’s Final Scratch:
From deportation bonuses to science bans and court-shopping shenanigans, the fascists are pushing pen like it’s their last stand (and it might be). But we’re watching. We’re clawing. And we’ve got governors, scientists, and street medics in our corner.
📢 Don’t just sit there—organize. Scream. Protest. Support autistic privacy protections. Mock the hell out of deportation apps. And for Bastet’s sake, get ready for June 14, our National Day of Resistance.
