đŁ FEDERAL ORDERS FROM THE KING OF KARMALESS
1. Project Homecoming⢠â Deport Yourself for a Prize!
Trumpâs newest low? A âself-deportation bonus.â Undocumented folks get $1,000 and a free flight out if they agree to vanish quietly. âJust leaveâ now comes with airline miles and a surveillance app. Cute.
2. Decriminalizing Corruption (But Only If Youâre White & Rich)
This EO says you canât be prosecuted for violating federal rules unless you meant to. So if you commit corporate crime by accident? No problem. Unless youâre brown. Or poor. Or protesting.
3. Big Pharmaâs Wet Dream
Heâs deregulating domestic drug manufacturing. Get ready for faster pills, looser inspections, and pharmaceutical execs swimming in bonuses like itâs Scrooge McDuckâs vault.
4. Frankenstein Ban: No More Science for You!
Trump bans federal funding for gain-of-function research (the scary kind that makes viruses worse). Scientists scream. MAGA cheers. Fox News declares victory over âbio-wokeism.â
5. National Warrior Center (sponsored by Raytheon?)
Heâs setting up a vet support center. Sounds goodâuntil you see whoâs running it. Spoiler: itâs not your local VA doc. Itâs private contractors and political loyalists with âChristian masculinityâ vibes.
6. Streamlining the Federal Register (aka Hiding the Receipts)
Making it easier to publish federal policy sounds harmlessâuntil it’s used to fast-track shady laws while the publicâs distracted by the next staged meltdown.
đ FLORIDA MAN STRIKES AGAIN: RON DESANTIS, EXECUTIVE ORDER MACHINE
EO 2025-100
Extends EO 24-88 on Michael Mader, whoâs facing fraud charges. Because in Florida, we love a good cover-up as long as youâre politically connected.
EO 2025-99
Glenn Straubâs legal telenovela continues. This EO keeps his case out of the wrong courtroom. Or, more accurately, keeps it far from any real accountability.
EO 2025-98
Carlos Dueffer gets an extension on EO 24-98. Why? TBD. But if DeSantis is keeping it alive, assume itâs anti-worker, anti-justice, or just plain sketchy.
EO 2025-97
A reroute in the Rejean Louis case. Not about justiceâjust another legal shell game so corrupt circuits can hand out the right (wrong) decisions.
EO 2025-96 & 95
Two orders that play legal hopscotch with Floridaâs court system. Judges reassigned, cases shuffled, truth obscured. Just another day in DeSantisland where the only law is âprotect the powerful.â
đ ILLINOIS GETS IT RIGHT (FOR ONCE)
EO 2025-02: Protecting Autistic Residents from MAGA Surveillance
Governor Pritzker just became the unlikely hero of neurodivergent privacy. This EO bans state agencies from collecting or disclosing personal autism data unless absolutely necessary. Why? Because the Trump regime is cooking up a federal autism registry (yes, really), and Illinois said HELL NO. Informed consent, strict privacy rules, and zero tolerance for medical profiling. Now thatâs how you executive order without stomping on civil rights.
đą Resistance Kittyâs Final Scratch:
From deportation bonuses to science bans and court-shopping shenanigans, the fascists are pushing pen like itâs their last stand (and it might be). But weâre watching. Weâre clawing. And weâve got governors, scientists, and street medics in our corner.
đ˘ Donât just sit thereâorganize. Scream. Protest. Support autistic privacy protections. Mock the hell out of deportation apps. And for Bastetâs sake, get ready for June 14, our National Day of Resistance.
